Just wrapped up siblings camp last week after two energy-sapping days. I always enjoyed sib camp cos' of the kids, no doubt some of them really stretches your patience and test your ability to restraint yourself from strangling them. But for every one kid who is spoilt, whiny, and irritating, there's always another who touches your heart and makes you smile despite all their antics. The truth is, at the bottom of it all, all kids are great and have lotsa potential to be wonderful people, it is the unfortunate few that has grown up learning habits which will make them the real 'ugly' singaporeans.
There is a reason why the upbringing of a child is such huge responsibility, you are practically molding a person from scratch. I am not saying parents consiously teach their child to be selfish, inconsiderate, rude or money-minded etc (frankly, i was appalled when one child equate the showing of care/love for others or towards himself, is through the act of giving money). But sometimes, as adults, we might have neglected in watching our own behaviour (parents should be role models) and to take some effort in imparting some basic values to children like offering help, speaking nicely to others or even just, saying thank you. And it shouldnt be surprising that when parents give in to their child's every demand and satisfy all their material cravings, these children will soon start to demand to be treated the same by every other people and goes through life feeling that privilege is an entitlement. How else would you explain a child insisting on watching his portable tv (at a camp no less) so that he doesnt miss his favourite power ranger cartoon and when told that he shouldn't be bring such expensive items for camp, replied that "it is ONLY $60"? Or children who refused to eat lunch or breakfast because they wanted "MacDonalds" and asked "Why don't have nasi lemak"?
Then there are also some children who are basically sweet and good kids but whose parents are no less scary than those i've mentioned. There seems to be a growing number of children who appeared to have self-esteem and self-confidence issues, aged 10 and onwards. Originally, sib camp was organized to help siblings of children with special needs to know more about their brother/sister's disability and coping with them but it has been, especially for the older siblings, that their problems revolve more about other personal issues such as parents' expectations on exam results or personal image issues like weight and fitting in. One boy called himself 'useless' because his Chinese is in "band 3", that despite the fact that he has band 1 for two of the subjects and a band 2 for the third. His reason for feeling like he is useless? Because his father said that with Chinese in band 3, he won't be able to make it for university. For pete's sake! The boy is only 10!
How about the girl who refused to eat for most of the meals and when she does, she would only touch half the rice and disappear for the rest of the meal time or look at her friends eating with a really somber face? She refused to admit to being on a diet but when asked if her mother would scold her if the camp leaders were to let mom know that the daughter was not eating, replied that her mom won't be angry since she also felt that the girl needs to be on a diet. Another boy continually refused to participate much in activities and discussion, instead spent time comparing himself to others and wanting to be 'fat' as he felt he was not as 'tall' or 'smart' as others his age despite scoring a really respectable score for his PSLE. He may not be the 'sporty' sort but he refused to even try because he just didn't think he would win anyway. It literally pains me to see him giving up just playing scissors, paper, stone because he said he was 'no good' in anticipating what the other person would do, and running away when anyone try to hit a beach ball his way.
These are really good kids and yet i wondered, what the heck happened? Seems the more i interact and know the kids, the heavier my heart is. A couple of times while listening to them talking innocently and unconsciously of such things, it brings a lump in my throat and i had to stop myself from tearing. Would i, one day as a parent, know what my kids have to go through each day? Would they also feel like they are not good enough despite trying? Would i be the person who reinforce that view point and push them into such low levels of self-esteem? It is frightening when parents are the culprit, or the accomplice to such acts or even if they are plain oblivious to their children's problems.
Sigh.
Was suppose to be a post about camp but somehow it went into parenting and kids. Guess the problems were just too sad and bad to be ignored. The rest of the Dec holidays will just be used to catch up on more work (more screening to be done! More on that later) and catching up on some reading, doing my resume (always better to be 'prepared'), sorting out my stuff for work next year and who knows, maybe some R&R during my leave days.
This year is going to end rather quietly i think... after all that upheaval over the last couple of months, its a going to be a well-deserved break for all of us.
